The water swirls around my body- arms pulling, legs propelling.

The rhythm of the stroke takes my mind away to quiet- no kids yelling, no dog chewing, no expectations drumming fingers on to-do lists. Just me and the water. The smell of chlorine and the whirring “whoosh whoosh” of the water pumps permeate my senses.

Stroke, stroke, stroke, breathe. Stroke, stroke, stroke, breathe.

The motion is music. My body is a well tuned orchestra designed by the Great Master. I relax into the early morning worship of a swimmer in water.

Stroke, stroke, stroke, breathe.

My face breaks the surface and I gulp in. Water rushes in where air should be.

Immediately my brain snaps back…body takes over and starts to bark its protest. Instinctual response- fear grips, heart races, adrenaline dumps and blood rushes to large muscles…self-preservation kicks in.  But human instinct in water is to thrash, to gulp air and to clear face from below water…human instinct doesn’t save you when you’re drowning…self preservation can drown a girl.

Ten years of swimmer’s discipline takes hold to still the panicked mind.  Blow out…stroke….breathe…blow out…stroke…breathe…touch side and rest, shake off the lingering awareness of fear.

Face down, push off, start again.

Self-preservation is our strongest instinct. In many instances it is a gift that means the difference between life and death…but sometimes it can cause us to lose our life.  It is self-preservation that causes a person in water to drown. It’s what causes a drowning man to fight. Water isn’t the only place where self-preserving instinct is dangerous.

Self-preservation will kill us in the spiritual world.

“Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.  For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.” – Matthew 16:24-25

As Christians, don’t we struggle with self-preservation more than anything else?

And just like in the swimming pool, the override switch often must be discipline…must be practice. Today I ask God to help me die to self….to give me a heart to serve only one master- Jesus Christ.

“The unalterable basis of an open heaven is a grave, and a crisis at which you come to an end of your own self-life. It is the crisis of real experiential identification with Christ in His death.”

-T. Austin Sparks

Not that life has been particularly rough,

Or rocky,

Or even that hard…but it has been, well…

Exhausting.

And just when spiritual weariness is about to overtake me, someone sends an envelope full of love….

Not cause someone died, or married or grew one more year….but because someone cares.

On the front of the super cute little organizer Dayspring sent me when I volunteered to receive beautiful cards and send them out as encouragement to others is the scripture from Genesis 12:2, “I will bless you and you will be a blessing.” Oh how those words ring true as I write this.

I was going to write about how wonderful it felt to share these cards with others. (And it did.) I was going to write about how awesome it was that Dayspring sent me these beautiful cards for free (and it was.)  I was all set to write the review about these beautiful images and the card stock quality and how well all the envelopes fit (and they do)…

But then last week, it came…this beautiful card encouraging us to “Play on.” A moment of acknowledgement of purpose in a time where I felt adrift.  Perfect timing.  And I was buoyed.

Then yesterday, my eight year old daughter got a card of encouragement (she got braces put on last week) in the mail…a silly little frog with braces on the front and on the inside written in the hand of her friend : “ Sticks and stones, break my bones (but not my teeth). FYI: you look cool with braces even though I can not see you!” My Lizzy teared up at the sight of it and smiled bright at the thought.

And today, when dinner wasn’t ready yet, and homework was being fought over, and the dog wouldn’t stay out of the trash can…in that moment, came the card that I’ve sent out three times this month…a message that I love….one I so needed to hear today. I was undone and pieced together in the reading of that card.

I received beautiful cards to share with my friends and family, and I have truly enjoyed sharing these cards, but in the process, I received so much more…God’s promise printed on the card organizer is so true: “I will bless you and you will be a blessing.”

You could be an encouragement to someone today….drop them a line…one written with ink or pencil or crayon…take a few minutes to find a stamp (or two…postage went up again this week) and throw a life preserver out…you never know who you might save from drowning.

“The ways we find to numb our aches, our longings, and our pain are not benign. They are malignant. They entangle themselves in our souls like a cancer and, once attached, become addictions that are both cruel and relentless. Though we seek them out for a little relief from the sorrows of life, addictions turn on us and imprison us in chains that separate us from the heart of God and others as well. It is a lonely prison of our own making. Each chain forged in the fire of  our own indulgent choice. Yet, “Our lovers have so intertwined themselves our identity that to give them up feels like personal death… We wonder if it is possible to live without them.” (the Sacred Romance.) Yes, we are, each of us, to greater and lesser degress still in bondage. But the good news is that “God has not  deserted us in our bondage.” (Ezra 9:9)

We need not be ashamed that our hearts ache; that we need and thirst for much more. All of our hearts ache. All of our hearts are at some level unsatisfied and longing. It is our insatiable need for more that drives us to our God. What we need to see is that all our controlling and our hiding, all our indulging actually serves to separate us from our hearts. We lose touch with those longings that make us women. And the substitutes never, ever resolve the deeper issue of our souls.”– Captivating, John and Stasi Eldredge

To understand addiction of any kind, we must accept that all of us have vices….”other lovers” we turn to; to hide, to indulge, to control our lives; “other lovers” who are not God. This realization can helps us return to the heart of God….this ache, this longing is designed to drive us exactly there….to God–the only one who can fill the void.

This is a long-standing tradition in my neck family…each holiday season we burn candles together as a family. Every drop of wax symbolizes a moment of happiness in our home.

This year, my daughter suggested that for each candle we light we tell a story of our happy memory. Seems as if our candle has grown exponentially this year….

Now each time I look at the streams of color, I see not just wax, but the melting together of each of our stories. Stories that can now never be separated from the others…like our hearts.

Do you have beautiful traditions that are a little different? We’d love to hear about them.

Today, do something playful. Maybe even a little crazy. And smile, radiant smiles spreading all over this world. 

The prompt is challenging me today.  Right now in this time of gift buying, and family visiting and house decorating and work and preparation….right now in the midst of all the “I shoulda oughtas”—to stop and play? Duane, you’re killing me with this offer of life in the midst of the mundane…the everyday…in the midst of a slow, worldy death.

And yet,  Jesus said—I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.  Did you hear that? TO THE FULL!

So in this moment, when I am taking myself so seriously, an angel prompts me with a challenge….to play….to smile…to live. It’s so hard to shift gears, so I start with a smile…with a laugh at my daughters silly jokes…with a little game of foot ninja (this game has a much more interesting name that I can’t remember or spell) with my son…with a few moments to drink in the heavenly sound of my children laughing belly laughs that roll until the need to draw breath overtakes them.

This is life to the full….this is the promise of the abundant life.

Today’s promise can be downloaded by clicking here.  Thank you all so much for continuing this Advent journey with us.

The Promise of Rest

Seeking Solitude

I came here seeking solitude,

And found I like the quiet,

But am afraid of the alone.

I came here spent and desiring rest,

And found bounding energy

Yearning for outlet.

Busy energy-

Worldy energy.

“Rest,” You said, “Be still.”

But I find myself restless

And in perpetual motion.

In obedience and with discipline of will,

I sit.

Quiet.

Unmoving.

Eyes closed and thoughts clearing.

And finally,

I sink into Your grace.

-Cari Kaufman

Written on retreat at St Scholastica, 2/25/2011

Do I believe this?

If  my actions speak to my beliefs and I look hard at how I act, do my actions say I believe that He will meet my every need?

I’ve worked hard today. I’ve been productive. I’ve called calls and written blogs. I’ve worked up budgets and hobbed and knobbed with potential ministry partners. I’ve knocked things off my to do list that I’ve been “meaning to” get to for weeks.

And yet….

It’s not finished. Not done. The cute little boxes are not all checked off.

There are clean clothes on the bed unfolded and dishes in the sink unwashed and chapters God asked me to write unwritten.

There are hugs unhugged and kisses unkissed, prayers unprayed and love unsaid.

I NEED more time. More energy. More motivation. More hands.

And if I truly believe that God has promised every need will be met, why do I feel so desperately overwhelmed by it all when I look around?

As I work today on the budget for a women’s conference we are hosting next fall, I laughed at the numbers.  I feel like I’m playing with monopoly money as I look at a budget that BEGINS thousands of dollars from reality is daunting.  And the question that rattles around is do I really believe God will provide?

EVERY NEED

That’s the promise.

Today I have to settle for claiming this promise- because today, well, frankly, belief is coming so readily.  God and I have spent a lot of time chatting about this today and He’s made other promises of need fulfilled.

“Lord, help my unbelief.”

Another need. One he’ll meet. Like all the others.

Why yes, Duane Scott, yes I will.  

You can, too, you know…he’s created a beautiful downloadable printable with a writing prompt for each day between now and Christmas.  Share your words with us, here or through email. These are the best gifts of the season….don’t keep them to yourself.

The Promise of His Presence

The alarm clock sounded early this morning—well it seemed early—this morning it was actually set an hour later than normal.  Seems as if the alarm sounds earlier and earlier these past few days. We’ve battled a stomach virus in our house since last week—it brought with it a bone-weariness I haven’t experienced since my children were bassinet-bound babes.

I rolled over and snuggled into the warmth of my husband and began my morning prayers.

“Jesus, come….I invite you here. I love you.”

Heart full to bursting–gratitude spills over the edges of my early morning quiet.

“Thank you for this man, Lord.”

Happy tears sneak past the rims of closed eyes.

“Thank you for our family…for these kids…for this dog…for this house…for this life, Lord.”

This is how each of my days begins.  Ann Voskamp calls this love that flows from thankfulness “eucharisteo”…this life-filling gratitude.  It is the practice that keeps me centered…that keeps me focused…that reminds me of the beauty of all that God has given me.

This morning as I pray, I sense something more.  Something deep wells up.  Something bubbly and exciting.

Something called Joy. Unexplainable…Not for any earthly reason….just a love song from my Lord.

And as I open my eyes, a song plays in my head….

“and He walks with me, and He talks with me, and He tells me I am His own. And the joy we share as we tarry there, none other has ever known.”

 

On Fridays around these parts we stop, drop, and write.

For fun, for love of the sound of words, for play, for delight, for joy and celebration at the art of communication.

For only five short, bold, beautiful minutes. Unscripted and unedited. We just writewithout worrying if it’s just right or not.

Won’t you join us?

Here are the rules:

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.

2. Link back here and invite others to join in.

3. Most importantly: leave a comment for the person who linked up before you – encouraging them in their writing!

OK, are you ready? Give me your best five minutes on:

Today’s prompt is:  Grow

Ready? GO!

It’s amazing how quickly life grows when it’s watered and fed properly, isn’t it?  How saplings and buds and puppies and children become trees and flowers and dogs and young men and women….in just a heartbeat….with love and care and warmth and nourishment–they all grow so fast, so beautiful.

It’s amazing how quickly death grows when it’s watered and fed, isn’t it?  How irritation and hurt and sadness and disappointment become anger and self-loathing and resentment and discrimination….in just a hearbeat….with fatty, greasy junk–they all grow so fast, so ugly.  

Amazing to me how growth occurs….it’s all about the input isn’t it?  It’s all about the focus.  Today I choose to grow beauty. Today I choose to grow life.

STOP!

 

For fun, for love of the sound of words, for play, for delight, for joy and celebration at the art of communication.

For only five short, bold, beautiful minutes. Unscripted and unedited. We just writewithout worrying if it’s just right or not.

Won’t you join us?

Here are the rules:

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.

2. Link back here and invite others to join in.

3. Most importantly: leave a comment for the person who linked up before you – encouraging them in their writing!

OK, are you ready? Give me your best five minutes on:

Today’s prompt is:  Unexpected

Ready? GO!

I was going to write about God and His grace and how it so often catches me off guard.  It does, you know….catch me off guard so often…you, too?

But then I realized that what is unexpected today is something so much more, well….mundane (?)….common…everyday-lifeish.

Today, I’m in the mood to clean house….(those of you who know me personally, know how…ahem…unexpected this is!) Not only that, but I have a fairly open free day to do so!

A day to clean showers and do laundry and mop floors without trying to figure out how to get the kids involved, how to explain to the husband that “doing dishes” in Cari’s world actually means “Clean up the kitchen.”  A day to blast worship music, sing at the top of my lungs and dance with the broom (yep, I said dance…and I didn’t keep a pivot foot either!- I’m such a heathen!)

I think the most unexpected part for me was the joy that I am experiencing today.  Just hanging out- me, Jesus and the vacuum cleaner. It’s a beautiful thing! Maybe this post really is about God’s grace catching me off guard (again) afterall!

STOP!