Oh so many things to tell….

Where to begin….there are loads happening around here (with me…and with the ministry!)

So I will sum up the goings on!

First, Captivating Heart is coming to life!

Captivating Heart is a retreat ministry based on the bestselling book, Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge.  Captivating is based on the message that there are core desires of woman’s heart- to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and to be the beauty of the story- and that unlocking and understanding these desires are the secret to the feminine heart.  The core message of Captivating is this:

Your heart matters more than anything else in all creation.  The desires that you had as a little girl and the longings you still feel as a woman are telling you of the life God created you to live.  ~ Captivating

I have felt a strong desire for several years to bring this message to my community in a way that is affordable and accessible to women locally, so a team of twelve other faithful ladies and I have been working diligently to provide just that…and it’s coming together! I am so excited! AND I so want you to join us!  There are tons of ways to register:

1) You can go to the events page and click on the “register now” button under Captivating Heart…

or

2) Check out our online home at www.captivatingheart.com.  You can find out all the information and register right there online! Special shout out to Madwire Media for donating design hours to create our site!

We’re hosting our first fundraising event!

To raise funds for Captivating Heart and provide scholarships to those who could not otherwise afford the retreat we are hosting a Garden Party on June 9 from 10-12.  We would love for ya’ll to come out….you can purchase your ticket to attend and find out more about the event here:

http://captivatinghearttea.eventbrite.com/

Fundraising has begun in earnest! 

So if you can’t make our awesome ladies tea (I’m super excited to wear my new garden hat!) and you want to donate to our cause (please, please, please consider it!) then, we have a way for you to do that as well through our totally secure fundly site…We’d love to partner with you to help make this happen!

http://fundly.com/s/captivatingheart

Hmmmm…I think that those are all the exciting updates I can think of right now, but the truth is I’m super tired and I need to rest up for a brain scan tomorrow….beauty sleep for pictures, you know? (beneath this false bravado is a girl secretly asking for your prayers…I really detest having someone inject radioactive dye into my head, strap my head into a cage and stick me into a really noisy, very tight-quartered tunnel.) Thank you so much in advance for your prayers and love! Hopefully, I will have more to share this weekend!

Grace and Peace,

CK

The Sound of Silence: In Love Again

I am sharing a few of my journal entries from a three day silent directed retreat held by Christview Ministries at Little Portion Retreat Center in Eureka Springs, Arkansas April 13-15, 2012.  

4/15/12

Everything seems so sensual this morning.

I slept fitfully last night and finally about3:30 am prayed that God would help me sleep.  I dreamed of running through soft grass and swimming naked crystal clear hot springs with the water wrapping around my body.

I awoke and performed my morning yoga. I think that will become a routine again and I felt blood flow and course and my body hummed happy like a well-oiled machine.

The sky is hazy- not gray specifically, but the haziness that comes with humidity and soon-coming rain. The kind of haze that makes colors shout out their names and reminds you of the beach in midwinter.

Even breakfast caressed the senses this morning. Still simple fare, no gourmet chefs here these monks,  but simple food from God’s bounty prepared with love and care.  This morning we ate scrambled eggs and biscuits with link sausage from a package and I nearly did a cartwheel when the monk rang the bell for breakfast.

A smile, bright like joy itself, sprang to my lips when this man and woman spooned up God’s nourishment and I desperately wanted to bubble out “Thank you” but we are still giving each other the gift of silence and I have a breakfast date with Jesus so my smile like joy will have to do and I bound away happy.

I pour a glass of water flavored with lemons and oranges. I taste the slick spring water and it leaps to life on my tongue. Bright notes of floral and citrus play together and maybe a little mint and my heart sings because I am in love again….with this water, with this place, but especially with the Maker of it all.

I linger over breakfast. The smooth blanket of biscuit with fresh butter and strawberry jam, eggs scrambled just right- still soft and so warm. I salt the fruit to taste its flavors and they pop and kiss and mingle together in my mouth and my heart sings happy because I am in love again.

After breakfast, I head out to the place God prepared to do our last Lectio Divina. I’ve saved a verse about battle (2 Chronicles20:15-17) for last, for the time before I return to the real world.

For a moment, I feel fear and doubt rush in.  There is no Absolam here. There has been a caterpillar to greet me along every steo of my journey there sort of as a guide to confirm my steps are his will.

 

“Oh, but I am here.”

I look down and there is a brown and black caterpillar I’ve looked for and found everywhere along the way crawling up my pant’s leg. I wonder silently how long he’s been there.

“All along,” comes a chuckle from God, “all along.”

So I sit and pray and open my Bible to appropriate passage and begin to dig in with God.

I expect words like “Fight the good fight.” And “Go tell the nations.” But instead, Jesus lets  me off the hook. He took down the chore list from the refrigerator. You know the one with:

20 min of quiet time

20 min Bible study

Evangelize

Make Converts

Invite people to church

You know that list? The one that straps me into to “doing” everyday and fills me with shame at my failure every night? Jesus gently takes it off the fridge and crumples it and throws it in the trash.

“The battle is not yours, but God’s,” He says. “Stand firm, hold your position and watch the salvation of the Lord on your behalf.”

I stutter denials and  but, buts.. and he says:

“I’ve given you a story. Tell yours and they will hear Mine.  Love. Go in peace and stand firm.”

And then we sit for an hour and talk about fear-

Of doing too much.

Of doing too little.

Of letting go of fear itself.

Jesus says “Trust me.”

“You make it sound so simple,” I say.

He chuckles, “Simple is not always easy, Cari.”

He doesn’t always sound like my Dad, but today he does and I love him even more for it.

So, OK…Practice trust. Simply trust.

And then Jesus blows my mind-

“Listen. You are doing the right thing. There is no right or wrong way to draw near to me. No twelve step formula to hear my voice. Just listen. Listen for me.”

I breathe deep his peace and look down. There in the leaves are two more Absolams. They raise up the front part of their bodies as if to speak to me or say “Hello.”

But I think perhaps they are saying, “Goodbye,Alice.  Until we meet again.”

¹⁵ And he said, “Listen, all Judah and inhabitants of Jerusalem and King Jehoshaphat: Thus says the Lord to you, ‘Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed at this great horde, for the battle is not yours but God’s. ¹⁶ Tomorrow go down against them. Behold, they will come up by the ascent of Ziz. You will find them at the end of the valley, east of the wilderness of Jeruel. ¹⁷ You will not need to fight in this battle. Stand firm, hold your position, and see the salvation of the Lord on your behalf, O Judah and Jerusalem.’ Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed. Tomorrow go out against them,and the Lord will be with you.” – 2 Chronicles 15-17

The Sound of Silence:Grief Like a Stillborn Child

I am sharing a few of my journal entries from a three day silent directed retreat held by Christview Ministries at Little Portion Retreat Center in Eureka Springs, Arkansas April 13-15, 2012.  

4/14/12

I came here seeking answers.  Lots of them.

Anne Lamott says she knows only two prayers- “Help me, help me, help me,” and “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” I would add to that my own two – “I love you, love you, love you,” and “guide me, guide me, guide me.”

I surrendered my list of “Guide me’s” when I entered silence last night…I laid them all on the altar….save one.

One I kept in my tight-clenched fist, unknowingly holding it up to Jesus with every prayer. My heart whispering, “Guide me, guide me, guide me.” The promise of a new book- a book with 124 pages already written, no ending in sight and a six month writer’s block that wouldn’t budge.

I didn’t realize I had held onto it until I voiced it in spiritual direction this morning. My director, Judy, pressed into that question.

“It feels like you are holding this gift from God very close to your heart? I wonder. Is that part of what is binding you up?”

Fear began its creep up my spine…slowly, like a tentative spider, tick-tickling its way up to my shoulders. I felt my eyes dart to the ground as I pondered and denied. Jesus, bind fear…help me stay open, I prayed silently inside.

“Yeah, I think it is.” I said finally, not really committing to doing much about it. What about this Lord? Can I keep this?

Jesus answered through this slight, gentle woman across from me.

“The story that comes to mind is the story of Abraham being asked to sacrifice Isaac.”

Oh, Dear Jesus, no! Sharp intake of breath, the fear spider swooping in for the kill now.

“What would you say if God asked you to put this book you are writing on the altar?”

I must have visibly recoiled, for the question softened and was tempered by this gentle woman….by an even gentler God.

“…maybe not for good, but just for this weekend.”

“I can do that.  Yes, God…I will do that.”

I sighed relief thick and heavy and felt God’s antitoxin for fear venom sweep through me- the peace of surrender and trust.

As we finished, Judy prayed for me…for us…

“Jesus, we give you these gifts.  We give you the give you these things we create from our great giftedness- the giftedness You gave to us. We give you this book that you and Cari have been writing together.  We give you the grief of loss- grief that comes when our gift isn’t fully brought to life, grief like that of having a stillborn child.  We give you this stillborn child now…bring Cari peace in its place. “

The image struck me cold and hard and I realized that it was perfect.  That is it.  I have been grieving the still birth of this promise unrealized.  I have been grieving the fear that it would never be at all…that I had misheard and misunderstood.  I have been grieving for the doubt that has welled up in its place.

What a gift Judy and God gave to me in that moment.  A sadness named.  Grief…that is the name of this sadness that sweeps away my joy.  I breathe in the peace of a person who is at home in the silence and breathe in the peace of a God who sends his rescue even when we don’t know that we are trapped.

Jesus, I unfurl my hands and give you this stillborn child.  There is still hope that you will breathe your life into it and return her to me – full of life and vigor. But I lay her on the altar now, Jesus.

 

Photo by Pam Chupp

A Reflection on this reflection:

It’s so interesting to me to see how God uses experiences in our lives to prepare us to receive wisdom from Him.  Just two weeks ago, I played Jairus’ wife (Jesus raises her daughter from the dead during his ministry) in our church’s resurrection drama, The Savior and the Scarlet Thread.  I was looking through pictures of the drama and this one caught my eye.

The Sound of Silence: Stretching the Muscle Bound Heart

I am sharing a few of my journal entries from a three day silent directed retreat held by Christview Ministries at Little Portion Retreat Center in Eureka Springs, Arkansas April 13-15, 2012.  

This morning I did yoga for the first time in many months. I don’t why I chose it today, perhaps unconsciously I thought to stretch and relax my body would do the same for my mind.

My usually flexible and pliable muscles were tight and achy and groaned at the movement. Not unlike the spiritual muscle of my heart.

I’ve been working hard at ministry lately. Serving. Doing. Accomplishing great things for the Kingdom.

And none of that is bad or even outside God’s will, but my heart is bound up by all the heavy lifting.  Like a weightlifter who builds giant muscles, but can’t bend over to tie his shoes, my heart has grown inflexible and muscle bound.

As I stretched, Jesus said, “I prepared for you, Cari. Trust me. Let down the walls and trust me.”

Oh Jesus, please come. Come for me here in this place. I’m waiting for you to just be here with me. I came with questions and requests for guidance and I let them go…I just give them all to you right now.  I don’t need answers, Jesus…I just need you. Holy Spirit, come…I invite you here. Stretch me. Relax me. Be with me here. Come.

³ In the first month of the first year of his reign, he opened the doors of the temple of the LORD and repaired them.

- 2 Chronicles 29:3

³⁶ And Hezekiah and all the people rejoiced because God had provided for the people, for the thing came about suddenly.

- 2 Chronicles 29:36

“You provide the fire. I’ll provide the sacrifice. You provide the Spirit, I will open up inside.”

The Sound of Silence: Harmony Creates Tension

I am sharing a few of my journal entries from a three day silent directed retreat held by Christview Ministries at Little Portion Retreat Center in Eureka Springs, Arkansas April 13-15, 2012.  

Evening Prayers, called Compline, are the only time we meet as a group. Our directors call it group worship and my heart yearns for music, but I’m learning to worship without a song and that’s not a bad thing.

We prayed antiphonally and it was beautiful harmony- the voices of these women- raspy from non-use- speaking the 91^st Psalm together.

I was unsettled for a moment as the women’s voices speaking in unison came very near the sound of a Wiccan chanting circle.

This is a new sensation for me, this mirroring of my past life. But more and more, I find myself caught off guard by a similarity. Things I have done for years now in my Christian walk will now remind me of rituals or circumstances from my old occult ways.  I find it startling- and I wonder if God has kept this revelation from me until now when I have the maturity and spiritual support to handle it.

So now I find myself back in my room.  Listening to a storm blow strong across the mountain and spilling these words onto paper. My jaw holds this tension like a clamp. My head aches with the force of it and I’m no sure how to relieve the pressure there. I suppose that means that maybe the fear has subsided, but the anxiety still remains, and I am not sure what to do with that, but I know God does so I just sit with it for a while longer and pray that tomorrow will be more comfortable and I just know that it will far exceed my expectations.

 

The Sound of Silence: A Quick Fall

There were eight of us on retreat.

Eight beautiful women seeking rest and restoration. Seeking presence and guidance and an un-opposed word from the Lord. Two fearless spiritual directors made the journey with us….women who quietly challenged us to unplug, unfetter, unmask.  To disentangle and listen and be intentional with our time with the Lord.

We went around the circle, saying names that wouldn’t be spoken again in conversation for three days, but would be prayed in hearts every minute. We each told why we’d come and shared how we were feeling as we entered in.

As the circle rounded to me, as hearts were spoken and deep desires named, I cringed at my true feelings. I worried that speaking my heart would open others to the same bad feelings. I shrank back from sharing too much.

But our leaders, they were good.

They saw the unspoken fear and questioned…gently pressing in as if to say, “does it hurt here a little?”

“I’m scared to death. I’m afraid of what God will say and what he won’t say. As I drove up here, I felt all the entanglements of life start to fall away, and that’s good because I got here and I feel free, but I’m also afraid of letting go of all those things that root me.”

I felt a tangible sigh of relief from some of the other women.

There…I said it….No, I am not excited about meeting the Lord here- well, I am, but that’s not the overriding emotion. I’m terrified about meeting the Lord here. I don’t know why I came…why I chose this thing….why I PAID for this…this silence that I am no good at- this locking away of words that makes me so uncomfortable.

We entered silence about 4 pm after all the questions we could possibly think of had been asked. I was like a toddler at bedtime with the questions, “Mom, I’m thirsty.” “One more story, Mama.” “Mommmyyyy, I need to go potttttyyyy!”  But Gail seemed like a talker too…much like me, someone who led with words…I thought, she does this all the time…I can do this too.

Gail asked us to turn off our cell phones, but there was no alarm clock and I hate to miss dinner.  This seemed like a perfectly good excuse to keep it on.  Gail conceded and told us to put them in airplane mode.  Like a crack fiend jones-ing for her next hit, it took less than ten minutes to find myself on Facebook.  The hysterical irony that I was about to post on a comment someone had posted offering to pray for me on my silent retreat was enough to jar me out of my tech-induced high.

Shame rushed in…I turned the phone off, through it across the room, and broken and in tears, started to pray for help.  God said to trust that he had it under control…I said I did trust but kept my ear out for the dinner bell….it never rang….I was twenty minutes late for dinner, and very disturbed.

Our first meal together was excruciatingly awkward.  First, I was not first…I was twenty minutes late.  I was last and didn’t know what to do.  Regardless, eight women sitting around tables trying to ignore one another while eating dinner is just awkward.  Add to that slurping of soup and crunching of salad and silence gets REALLY noisy.  Since I had nothing else to do but listen to others eat, I started chatting with God (I guess that’s the point or something J ) and apologizing for the whole FB/Cell Phone Rule Breach and promising I would do better and he hit me with his first grace.

He whispered, “Charlie’s watch is in the car.”

Huh? OH MY! A watch? Really?

Unbelievably, my husband’s watch- that he took off and put in the console AT CHRISTMAS (5 months ago) is still there….ticking away perfect time.

I practically skipped back to my room to put away my phone.

After dinner, I put my husband’s watch around my wrist, it was heavy and it’s weight against my arm reminded me that God really had prepared this for me. I made some green tea and found a sweet perch on the swings on the far side of the property.  I drank tea and swayed back and forth and could feel my body begin to relax and suddenly realized I was smiling.  It’s been a long time since a smile bubbled forth from my insides, but there it was.

And it was good.

 

 

The Sound of Silence: A Preamble

I survived! Three days of silence on the mountain….and I came out sane!

What can I tell you, by way of introduction, that even begins to encapsulate the beauty and grace that I experienced….well, nothing.

God and I, we chatted and ate and wrote stories and played and watched caterpillars and even drew a little. It was poignant and tender and romantic and oh, so, so restful.

So, like I said, we wrote….a lot….so I will share some of that over the next few days.  I’m still processing so much and still writing so much, that I find it hard to sit and type it all out….my wrist aches from all the writing…

The retreat was a three day silent directed retreat held by Judy Turner of Christview Ministries at Little Portion Retreat Center in Eureka Springs.  Just as a bit of a preamble to sharing my reflections with you, here is what one of director’s, Gail Pitt of Dovehouse Ministries, says of silent directed retreats:

A directed silent retreat is an opportunity to take time away from the noise and distraction of everyday life, to rest and listen for God. God longs for relationship with us–a loving, growing relationship. God loves when we choose to take time away from the things that tug at us to be
with Him. He wants to draw near and to give to us. Prayer is relationship, and silence is simply making a space for us to listen to God. When a retreat is directed and silent, it means that the retreatant spends time alone with God in prayer and silence.

I was honored and blessed to be a part of this retreat.  I can’t wait to share my reflections with you.

Five Minute Friday (on Saturday…Again:)- Relevant

Oh, “Five Minute Friday!” How I’ve missed you! Seems hard to believe, but lately I don’t even feel like I’ve had five minutes to participate….a sad, sad story I tell….and well, just know…I’m working on it…and God is too.

So, flex your fingers, and let’s play Five Minute Friday.

Where we throw caution (editing, revising, and worrying) to the winds and just write. Without wondering if it’s just right or not.

For five minutes flat. Then link up here www.thegypsymama.com.

Today’s prompt is:  Relevant.

Disclaimer: Ok…I admit it…1) it’s Saturday and 2) this actually took like 12 minutes to write- but there are quotes and links and other fun stuff in there! Forgive me?

Ready? GO!

I am scared of what God is asking me to do.  For a couple of years now, God has seeded in me the desire to lead a women’s conference in conjunction with a Pastor’s conference my church helps support in Northern India.  For a couple of years the excuse I used was “I am not sure how my ministry will be culturally relevant. What will I speak on?”

My pastor (who teaches at the conference each year) has done his best to allay my fears. The conference coordinator has met my ideas with excitement and enthusiasm.  Still, the question has batted around in my brain…paralyzing my efforts to coordinate such an endeavor.

And then my friend, Geof Kimber came to lead worship at our church for a weekend conference.  We traded books, my Living Life with Strings Attached on godly relationships for his Fruits and Roots on worship.

I was 22 pages in when Geof rocked my world with this statement:

“God’s Word overrides culture. We are certainly to be effective in reaching people of other cultures; nevertheless our calling to that end is not to mold the Word of God to our various cultures, but to mold our cultures to the Word of God.

The notion that we are relevant to our own culture, but irrelevant to others, is still missing the point….Being irrelevant to other cultures is simply evidence that our own cultural views have so shaped our understanding of Scripture, that they are engrained into the way we apply them.”

Bam! OUUUCHHH!

Geof just performed the writer’s equivalent of a 2 x 4 to the head….It stung a little at first (who am I kidding, it stung a lot), but I was heartened by his words. I don’t need to make myself cultural….I just need to teach the Truth. Which is exactly what Geof says the answer is (and he should know, he travels the world leading worship and walking his talk…you should check him out…he’s amazing!)

He says:

“The solution to ministering effectively in a cross cultural setting, is proper exegesis of what the Word of God actually teaches, so that the Scriptures will shape the way we understand our cultures, not the other way around.”

This is exactly what I needed to understand.

I’m still scared. I still  have questions. But I am moving forward anyway.  Plans are in the works for a 2012 Women’s conference.  I will need your help…with prayers, with funding, with encouragement…but I know you will come through!

STOP

If you want information about the 2020 Conference, check out TellAsia’s website here. And if you would like to donate to this year’s pastor’s conference you can do so through the donate button below.  Our hopes are to send 1,000 native pastors to this four day training conference this year.  It cost just $40 to pay for their food, lodging and supplies why they are at the conference….$40 will help train a pastor to lead a church….pure awesomeness! We need your help!

Donate today to help train pastors in India!

Digging for Living Water: Reflections from Advanced Captivating

 Frontier Life Ranch,Buena Vista,Colorado

 My first morning at Adv Captivating dawned clear and chilly. Sleep had not visited me much in the night, and I was reluctant to brave the pitch dark of our 12-woman bunk room to climb down from my (top) bunk and prepare for the day ahead.

God was insistent.  Calling gently, “come walk with me. Greet the sun with me.” So I (grumbling) rousted myself from the bunk and got dressed for the day ahead.

Much of the material of Advanced Captivating focused on establishing conversational intimacy with God. This wasn’t a subject new to me. I have heard the voice of God clearly for most of my life, but for the several months leading up to this event, that voice was

Still.

Quiet.

Far away.

Gone?

Jesus and I just hadn’t been talking like we used to.  Blame it on the busy season of life and my squeezing out his voice with activity and noise. Blame it on the seminary studies and my squeezing out his voice with the voices of classic theologians. Blame it on the dry, desert-like conditions of my heart at the time.  Blame it on me….because God didn’t change. He was still there. Maybe I was the one gone….

I was terrified during the first session of the retreat when Stasi encouraged us to take time to chat with God. To ask questions. To start small with questions we knew the answer to, questions that we weren’t too invested in. I was afraid that no matter the size of the question, He would not speak. But I decided I would listen for Him any way, and start small.

When I felt His invitation to walk early Friday morning, I was elated.  I knew exactly where He would take me. A beautiful overlook just up from our bunkhouse offered breathtaking views of the sun rising over the mountains….it would be there….we would sit, I would breathe in creation and the wonder of the Creator and we would be renewed together. I packed my camera to record the moment…and set off….

As an act of obedience, I told God I would follow only where he led on our walk. Turn by turn.  (Knowing exactly where we were going…of course…) I smiled as he led me up the stairs toward the overlook. I looked ahead to choose the rock I would curl up on. As an afterthought, I remembered my promise….

“Left or right here, God?”

Left.

“Are you sure? The overlook is to the right.”

I know. Turn left.

“Uhhhh….ok…”

I continued to follow his directions down a small path behind the gym that led past dumpsters and the dining hall. The path led into the woods and was not well lit. The sun wasn’t up yet and the way was difficult to see. I breathed deep and trusted, and made my way up the narrow, windy way.

Not far up the hill I heard a bubbling brook.  The sound of water rushing was clear and calming.  A few steps more I found a foot bridge.

This is your place.  Stop here. Sit and meet the sun.

I sat on the cold wooden planks of the bridge. Sat listening to the water flow. Sat waiting for the sun to rise. Sat praying through my daily prayers.

The white bark of the aspens reflected the light as it began creeping into the wood, illuminating the scene.  I looked down at the bubbling brook beneath my feet….

and was stunned to see a dry creek bed.

The bubbling brook was completely underground.

This is your heart, Cari. See, the Living Water is still there…bubbling to the surface here and there, but, mostly, buried.  To expose the water, you will have to dig. I’m ready to uncover it…Are you?

I sat and wept that morning.  Broken hearted that I had buried His life so far beneath mine, but relieved to know that He still dwelled within me. I asked Him to show me how to dig.  He did. He is.

And God is so so good because at the same time…

He also made it rain….

As part of this series of reflections, I’ll be sharing with you some of the music from Advanced Captivating….Ransomed Heart did such an amazing job of creating rich worship experiences I want to share a little taste of that with you.

Advanced Captivating

It seems like a surreal lifetime ago, but it has only been a short month since I boarded a plan to Buena Vista, Colorado to take part in Ransomed Heart’s first Advanced Captivating Retreat.  I attended my first Captivating Retreat in April of 2010, and it rocked my world.  When I learned of the opportunity to enroll in the lottery for this retreat, I didn’t hesitate….ok, maybe I hesitated for a minute thinking about the expense, the time away from family, the difficulty on my husband and- oh yeah, how far behind I would be on the laundry when I returned after 4 days in the Rockies, but that was literally only for a minute.  I was elated when I was accepted.

I had no idea what to expect coming into the retreat.  What I experienced was far beyond anything I could have imagined.  I suppose if I had to choose a word that summed up the long weekend it would be redemption. God was about redeeming memories and breaking bondage in a big way.

I learned so much about God’s true nature, about who I had shaped God to be and about what I needed to do to line those two images up that it is still, even weeks later, difficult to put into words- and the reason that I have struggled to post of late.  So over the next several weeks, I will try to share what I experienced, some of the music that has traveled with me home and other bits of insight I picked up along the way.